i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
