at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
