Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
