my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
