I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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