You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
