Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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