she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
