i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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