Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
