Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
