have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
