it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
