We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
