So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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