I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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