I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
