so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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