there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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