your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
