you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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