my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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