I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
