yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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