I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize