They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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