You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
