U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
