Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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