i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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