i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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