"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People in love make me want to vomit
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
