My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
