things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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