My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
