Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
