you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize