I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
