I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
