Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
