i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
