What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
