Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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