Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
