booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
