Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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