Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
