I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
