Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize