I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
