No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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