Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
