...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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