he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
