Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
