Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The adults are the big ones right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
