The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
