Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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