She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
