i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
