i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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