let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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