Tell her she can't have a vagina
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
