so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
