Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
