Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
